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Valentine’s Day: What Not to Buy

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February 11, 2014

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, companies have started bombarding our men with commercials telling them what they need to buy to declare their love. Tradition calls for things like edible delicacies, jewels, and intimate apparel. Just in case you feel confused or need to pass on some advice, here are five things that probably shouldn’t be on that list.

1. Kopi Luwak Coffee

coffee indulge Fancy and exotic brew makes sense for that special someone who works so hard. Also known as Civet Coffee, this caffeinated drink has been heralded for its unique flavor and prized for its rarity. Two hundred grams of it can be yours for around $350. You might be able to score 50 grams for a mere $70. But you should know, that “unique flavor” comes from where it is “processed” – in the guts of Asian Palm Civets, animals that eat the coffee cherries from the trees in Indonesia. Yes, these coffee beans they are selling you have been pooped out of a weasel-like animal. Even worse, there are many claims of extreme cruelty towards these animals from the production companies.

2.  Golden Opulence Ice Cream Sundae from Serendipity 3

The Frrrozen Haute Chocolate is unveiled at the Serendipity-3 restaurant  in New YorkWhat could be more romantic than an indulgent ice cream sundae, right? Well, hang onto your wallets. If you go to one of the Serendipity 3 restaurants, you can make moon-eyes over this Guinness World Record holding sundae that’ll set you back $1,000. Although, your love might not be the only thing shimmering. They went ahead and skipped the chocolate sprinkles in favor of edible gold flakes. That’s a lot of bling for something that will run the same course as coffee cherries through Palm Civets.

3.  A “Winston” Cocktail

cognacIf you find yourself in Australia this 14th, you and your true love might run into bartender, Joel Heffernan, while you relax over a soothing drink. According to the Guinness Book of Records, good ol’ Joel can make you another record holder, a “Winston” (as in Churchill), the world’s most expensive cocktail at $12,916. If you find that a bit steep, pass over the cocktail version in favor of a shot of its priciest ingredient, 1858 Croizet cognac, for a mere $6,000. On the bright side, the cushion of all those liquors should lessen the shock when you get the bill!

4.  Victoria’s Secret Royal Fantasy Bra

victoria secretTrue, this year’s fantasy bra stuns audiences. (I’m sure this has nothing to do with the girl wearing it.) Sure, it combines two of the traditional Valentine’s Day gifts, jewels and intimate apparel. However, the $10 million dollar price tag sets this gift a bit high on the price scale.  Even if your true love gets you a pound of poop coffee AND a gold plated sundae, the imbalance will still create unwanted tension. Who wants that awkwardness on your special night? Especially after you just gave her killer lingerie. If the need to sell your home, car and internal organs doesn’t stymie you, consider the logistics of a diamond bra. Those suckers have got to be rough on clothes. You’d have to cover that treasure up with something durable, like canvas or corduroy, which seriously negates the sexy factor of jewel encrusted hooters. And let’s not even mention the chaffing!

5.  Qatar Royal Soap


So, you’ve ruled out the edible and the wearable. Lotion and soap seem like a logical next step. They’re intimate, sexy, and romantic. Made for royals only and priced at a mere $3,800, they consider the Qatar Royal soap’s natural and organic material very beneficial. It contains gold dust, olive oil, virgin honey, and a few diamonds. Even more than a bra, lathering up with those diamonds could get uncomfortable. Rest easy, though. This soap cannot actually be purchased.  A good thing, too, because that money goes, literally, down the drain.

If you want some ideas that might work a little bit better for your life and wallet, try some of these ideas! Last Minute Gifts Semi-Handmade with Love, Plan a Last Minute Weekend Getaway, or What to Get Your Husband this Valentine’s Day.

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