My re-write of a favorite childrens’ story based on our post-Christmas gifts tween daughter experience …

If you give a tween some lip gloss,

She’ll ask for eyeshadow to go with it.

When you tell her she’s only ten and talking crazy,

She will attempt to put the gloss on her eyelids.

When she puts it on her eyelids,

the gloss will drip into her eye.

When it drips into her eye,

She will scream until you bring a washcloth.

After you bring the washcloth,

She tell you it’s all your fault and swear to disown you.

Once she disowns you,

You will send her to her room before laughing your head off into a pillow.

While you laugh your head off,

She will go through all her new clothes to pick an outfit.

When she picks a new outfit,

She’ll run to show you.

But when she runs to show you,

She’ll trip on all the clothes strewn about her room.

After she trips,

She will forget that she’s disowned you because she needs a kiss.

Once she forgets,

She will snuggle in next to you and your pillow.

As she snuggles into your pillow,

She’ll spot your phone charging on your dresser.

When she spies your phone,

She’ll want to take a selfie to text to her grandma.

But when she sees her selfie,

She’ll want to fix her hair before she takes another picture.

While she fixes her hair in the mirror,

She will notice that her lip gloss came off.

When she notices her lack of lip gloss,

She’ll ask you to bring her some lip gloss,

And when you bring her the gloss,

She’ll want some eyeshadow to go with it!