Are you and your partner in a sexual rut? Too many couples become busy and distracted by daily life and get used to mediocre (or even non-existent) levels of sexuality in their relationships. But it doesn’t have to be this way.  There are simple steps you can take to start having better sex today!

Get Familiar With Yourself

For a variety of reasons, too many women don’t know what is going on down there. Unfortunately, many girls get the message that their anatomy is somehow distasteful, and never recognize it as a locus of sexual pleasure.

If you’re unfamiliar with your vulva, grab a mirror and do a little exploring. Get familiar with that most intimate part of your body. Consider getting a vibrator and finding out feels good and what doesn’t.  The more you know about what gives you pleasure, the more able you’ll be to communicate that to your partner.

Get Experimental

Maybe your physical connection with your partner is good overall, but it’s gotten a little boring. This can easily happen when you’ve been with the same person for a while. It can take some effort to reignite the passion, but it’s worth the trouble. Talk to your partner and do some research together. Visit your local adult store or go online and consider purchasing some books and sex toys. Experiment with lubricants and massage techniques, and try out some new positions. Life is short—why not experiment a little?

Communicate with Your Partner

If you aren’t feeling fulfilled in the bedroom, don’t keep that to yourself. You both deserve an open and honest relationship and that includes discussions about sex—even if it gets awkward! Do your best to explain what is working for you in bed and what isn’t, and ask your partner to do the same. Don’t make it a blame game, and be sure that you both get a chance to express your feelings and desires.  The idea is to start a conversation that is loving and supportive so you can learn and grow together.

Get Help

Our individual experiences—including trauma and loss–shape our attitudes about sexuality and affect how we feel about our bodies and how we express intimacy in relationships. If shame or PTSD is inhibiting your enjoyment of sex and affecting your relationship, it may be time to see a therapist and work through these problems once and for all. There is no shame in seeking the help of a specialist. Whether you are having a physical, medically-based problem or need support as you work through difficult emotions, a professional can help you through the process. It’s worth it.

Summer is so freeing and flirty. This could be a great time to get in touch with your inner sexual goddess. At the end of the day, don’t take yourself too seriously. Let loose and play!