It’s definitely important to start early. If you communicate well with your kids when they’re younger, it makes talking with them as teens and young adults quite a bit easier. Changing your communication skills with your child is the same as creating a new habit. It takes practice and persistence. Don’t expect this to be easy from day one. It will be a learning process for both you and your child.

Here are 7 communication secrets for parents of elementary aged kids:

1. Keep it short.

Whether it’s praise, instruction or correction – the less words you use, the better. If you sit down with your child for a long lecture, you’ll lose their attention and the effectiveness of the conversation. Be short, simple and precise with what you need to say.

2. Correct your child in private.

This is one of my pet peeves. Obviously there are emergency situations that require on-the-spot attention, like your child is about to injure herself or someone else. But when it’s not an emergency, it’s best to correct her behavior away from peers and siblings. In the end, your child won’t be humiliated and embarrassed and you have their one on one attention. They’ll respect you (and what you have to say) a lot more if it’s done in a respectful way.

3. Listen long.

If you’ve been around elementary aged children (or even teens for that matter) they don’t always start out talking about what’s really bothering them. It takes time for them to say what they need to say. This means you need to take the time to listen for as long as it takes. Let’s say your son comes home from school saying he hates his friends, his teacher and his school. You could just stop listening after he’s complained a bit or you could encourage him to keep talking about his day and find out what’s really bothering him. Maybe he was made fun of in front of the entire class. It’s important to get to the root of his feelings and usually that requires time.

4. Praise them more than you correct them.

For some reason, this is hard for a lot of parents. Possibly it’s because we want the best for our kids. We want them to behave properly, be respectful, and do well in school. So it’s tempting to always be in correction mode. But you also need to take the time to point out the amazing things they’re doing. Little comments like ‘Thank you for picking up your toys without being asked. That helps me a lot!” or “I loved how you made eye contact with the adult you were speaking with” goes along way. In fact, it makes them want to do those things again. When it comes time to correct them for something, your child will respond to it 10 times better if it’s been sandwiched in with praise. Think of it as a 10 to 1 ratio – 10 praises for every one correction. Again, it takes practice!

5. Stay away from words like ‘always’ and ‘never’.

“Your room is always messy!” “You never do as you’re told!” Ouch. Phrases like that hurt deeper than we as parents may know. Put yourself in your kids’ shoes. Say your boss or spouse said “you always” and “you never” all the time to you. You get to the point where you think “what’s the point if I can never do anything right?” Rephrase your correction in a way that doesn’t tear down your child.

6. Share your feelings.

If you’ve had a bad day at work and you’re in a horrible mood, tell your kids this. Simply saying “I had one awful day at work and am not in the best mood. I just wanted to let you know it’s not because of you and maybe you can help make my day better.” Sharing your feelings with your kids gives them the confidence to know that 1) you’re not mad at them and 2) they can share their feelings as well. Model the behavior you want your kids to have.

7. List tasks instead of general statements.

With younger elementary aged kids, saying “Clean your room” is frustrating. They walk into their room and have no clue where to start. Instead of general statements, give them a written down list. It could look something like this:

1. Put all Legos in the Lego container
2. Put dirty clothes in the hamper
3. Make your bed.

Giving them detailed steps will make the process less overwhelming.

I hope some of these steps will help you better communicate with your elementary aged children. Like I said in the beginning, building the foundation of good communication with your kids early will make communication easier when they get older. It builds a mutual respect which is crucial when it comes to good parenting.

Do you have any communication secrets that work well with your kids? Please share them in the comments section.

Social Media and Self-Worth

With many teens accessing social media on a daily basis, it’s a place they are increasingly turning to determine their self-worth. From how many followers they have – to how many people ‘liked’ their picture – it gives them a sense of belonging and acceptance. Weiss says, “I think kids base their self-worth today on how many followers they have, how many likes they’re getting on their pictures or what comments they’re getting from friends or not getting from other people that they wish that they did.”

Do you think this is true? I definitely agree with her.

Social Media and Stress

Another problem is the stress and anxiety caused by social media. This is a result of teens:

• Worrying about how many followers they have
• Posting something and not being able to take it back (they can delete it, but teens love to screenshot things!)
• Trying to go viral
• Worrying about what your parents have seen on your social media accounts

As a mom of two teens, thinking about all of this scares me. Social media for them scares me. Which is why we talk about it on a daily basis around our home.

What Parents Can Do

If you find your kids abusing social media or notice an increase in their stress levels, there are ways to leave the lines of communication open and teach your teens how to use social media responsibly. A few things parents of teens who are active on social media can do are:

• Communicate effectively - It is possible to keep the lines of communication open without being too terribly annoying. I don’t ask my daughter about every single thing she tweets, but I do ask her about a tweet if it worried me or if I thought it was funny. We also talk about some of the updates her friends post and why a particular post might not have been a good idea. You can use social media to initiate discussions about how others can perceive your posts and why they might react a certain way.
• Know where they are – Monitoring your kids’ social media accounts is not as easy as it used to be. With new apps popping up every day, knowing their online hangout spots can be tough. Here are a few weapons in one mom’s online arsenal when it comes to her kids’ social media usage.
• Check their privacy settings – Online safety is a whole other topic, but it’s a crucial one. Help your kids set up their privacy settings on the sites they use and explain to them why it’s so extremely important.

There are many other ways parents can stay in tune with their teens social media usage. It’s as important as ever to know where your kids are spending their time online. From safety issues, to how it makes them feel about themselves, this is a topic worth talking about.

Are your teens online? Do you have set rules? Share what you do in your home when it comes to your teens and social media.

Positive TV Programs and Healthy Eating

A recent study by the journal Pediatrics, involving 565 Seattle families, had parents fill out a TV diary for their kids. It included how much TV they were watching, as well as what programs they watched. Half of the parents were coached for 6 months on getting their kids to watch programs such as Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer, rather than shows such as Power Rangers.

The other half of the kids were coached on healthy eating, but watched more violent shows. The results? After six months both groups showed improvements in their behavior. But after only a year, there seemed to be no difference between the two groups.

The AP reported the study does have some flaws. Although parents were not told what the study was about, the conclusion was they most likely figured it out, which quite possibly skewed the results. But whether the results were affected by their knowledge or not, one parent of a six-year-old said it was a wake-up call for her.

Before the study, she didn’t realize just how much TV her young daughter was watching. Now she fills more of her daughter’s time with encouraging her to play outside, as well as with games and activities.

New Zealand Study Shows TV Watching Affects Behavior

Another study involving 1,037 New Zealanders born in 1972 and 1973, showed that young adults who watched more television as kids (the type of program wasn’t mentioned), were more likely ‘to have a criminal conviction, a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, and more aggressive personality traits compared with those who viewed less television.’

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em?

Studies show the average pre-school aged child watches 4.4 hours of TV a day. Between all of the available technology such as smart phones and tablets, not to mention regular TV watching at home and daycare, our children are around it all the time. So do parents crack down on the amount of TV time? One pediatrician says it’s a ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ type of situation.

Her conclusion is, the screens are going to be on no matter what. So instead of limiting their time, parents should focus more on the types of programs their kids are watching.

What’s a Parent to Do?

It’s obvious times are different and we’re in an age of constantly being surrounded by some sort of ‘tube’. So what is a parent to do? Do we crack down on the amount of TV our kids watch, the types of programming they are watching or both? Do you have any set TV rules in your home? Let us know in the comments section below.

Samuel Kuperman, from the University of Iowa, and several of his colleagues conducted a study on teenagers and alcohol. The study revealed that of the kids who’ve tried alcohol – 40% said their best friends drink as well. The research indicates that kids who have friends that drink, are double the risk of drinking  themselves.

So, what’s a parent to do with these numbers and findings? Communicate like crazy. Leaving those communication lines wide open with your teen, but doing it in a way that resonates with them, is huge. If you’re communicating with your teen, you may discover quickly when drinking is a problem with their friends. You can then help them navigate through an uncomfortable situation and learn how to avoid that first drink.

Here are 7 communication secrets every parent of a teen should know:

1. Skip the lecture and have an actual conversation.

A lecture is one person talking at another person. A conversation includes two people talking with each other. How do you get your teen to talk to you? Ask questions.

2. Keep the conversation short, simple and to the point.

Don’t beat around the bush when it comes to talking to your teen. If your conversations end up being 30 minute talks, they’ll groan inside and immediately tune you out when they hear you want “to talk”. Some of the best conversations are those that are short and sweet.

3. Listen. Listen.Listen.

Did I mention listen? When you ask your teen a question, be okay with the silence for a few minutes. Most likely they’re trying to process what you asked and figure out the best way to respond. Don’t try to fill the awkward silence with your words. Be patient, sit back and wait.

4. Show respect for your teen and their opinions.

Most likely you and your teen don’t think alike. Shocking, I know. Just because you view something different, doesn’t mean you’re right and they’re wrong. Respect their opinion. Talk about why they feel this way – and again, as point number one says, have a conversation about it.

5. Praise them more than anything.

As humans, we’re already wired to remember that one negative comment. But, if that one negative comment is cushioned with 10 good ones, it makes the blow less hurtful. Make it a point to praise your teen. Even the smallest things like “Thank you so much for rinsing your cereal bowl” or “Sweet! All of your clothes made it into the hamper. Thank you!”, can go a long, long way.

6. Don’t correct a behavior in front of friends or other siblings.

Correcting an issue in private goes much farther than pointing it out in front of everyone and embarrassing them. It helps in two ways:  a) you can express why what they did or said is an issue and you can express it in a calm manner and b) it helps you to gain respect from your teen. My husband and I have used this rule in our house for a long time. We never punish in front of friends or other siblings.  We discuss the issue and the punishment in private. Many amazing conversations with our teens have happened because of this one simple rule.

7. Work on problem solving together.

You need to be your teen’s biggest fan. They need to know you’re on their side and will do anything to help them succeed. By working on problems and solving them together, you will gain their trust and respect. If their friends are drinking and they’re feeling the pressure, ask questions like “What are some of your ideas on this?” or “How do you think we can make sure you don’t get involved in an uncomfortable situation?”

Do you have some communication secrets you use in your house with your kids? Please share them and also let me know which of the 7 communication secrets is your favorite.

The CPSC data report shows that 349 consumers (84 percent of them children younger than age 9) were killed between 2000 and 2011 when TVs, furniture or appliances toppled over onto them. 2011 was a record year with 41 fatalities reported from falling television sets or furniture. This is an increase from 31 in 2010 and 27 in 2009. CPSC estimates that more than 43,000 consumers are injured each year in tip-over incidents. More than 25,000 (59 percent) of those injuries are to children under the age of 18. Falling furniture accounts for more than half (52 percent) of the injury reports. Falling televisions have proven to be more deadly, as they are associated with more than half (62 percent) of reported fatalities.

What makes this tragedy worse is that it is completely preventable. With $15 and about 15 minutes of your time you can have your furniture and television sets secured to your walls and safe from tipping. Furniture straps, televisions straps, or bracketing systems are all that you need to keep your children safe.

Sadly, this safety risk is not one that is in the mainstream for parents. We always hear of fall hazards, choking hazards, food hazards, and the list goes on – but how often do you hear of falling television and furniture hazards? The risk is great and the solution simple if only parents knew about it.

Thankfully there is a very brave woman who shared the story of the tragic loss of her daughter from a falling dresser that moved me to action. You can read her story here. Have your tissues ready because you will no doubt need an entire box when you read her story about that tragic day. She shares some of her deepest feelings, but more importantly, her hope for the future. She has given her time and life now to preventing this tragedy from happening to other parents. Her organization, Meghan’s Hope, helps keep parents informed on unknown safety hazards as well as simple fixes to these hazards. Follow the Meghan’s Hope Facebook page for lots of great tips that will no doubt open your eyes to things you never even imagined.

Please read Meghan’s story and share it with those you love. These tragedies could become history with a little education for parents. Here are some tips to keeping your home as safe as possible from falling furniture and television hazards.

To help prevent tip-over tragedies, CPSC recommends the following safety measures in homes where children live or visit:

• Anchor furniture to the wall or the floor.
• Place TVs on sturdy, low bases, or anchor the furniture and the TV on top the base, and push the TV as far back on the furniture as possible.
• Keep remote controls, toys, and other items that might attract children off of TV stands or furniture.
• Keep TV and/or cable cords out of reach of children.
• Make sure freestanding kitchen ranges and stoves are installed with anti-tip brackets.
• Supervise children in rooms where these safety tips have not been followed.

I am going to be completely honest here. I never once thought of the dangers of tipping furniture with my children. However, after reading Meghan’s story I will be securing all my furniture TODAY! Please take these steps and help keep your little ones safe. Do you have your furniture secured?

Here are 7 ideas to get kids moving and the blood pumping!

1. Plan family walks for the daytime.

As long as it’s not below freezing, grab the winter coats (and maybe the dog) and get out for a brisk walk around the neighborhood. If kids don’t want to go, you can entice them with a promise of hot cocoa when they get back home. Don’t have a great neighborhood for walking? Head to the local school track, a nearby neighborhood or a walking path at a park. Not only is it great family bonding time, but it gets you exercising too! If it’s feasible, you can even bike or roller blade together. The key is to just get moving. If it’s too cold, just going to the local mall and walking is better than sitting on the couch.

2. Enroll in a class.

Check the local YMCA, library or town center for classes on weekends or school breaks. For the younger (under 5)  crowd, libraries often offer movement classes that allow kids to get their energy out in a fun environment. How about looking into the local gym or karate center to see if they offer pay-as-you-go classes? Check into gymnastic places for open gym time, where, for one flat fee, kids can spend an hour or 2 discovering the trampolines, bars, beam, ropes and mats for lots of tumbling fun. Karate centers or gyms sometimes offer dodgeball on weekends so call around and see what is out there. Yoga is also a fantastic choice for kids, since most children’s yoga is at a pace to keep them interested and the instructors make it fun. They’ll stretch their muscles, do strengthening poses and get some mild cardio in as well.

3. Try commercial break exercise.

Tell the kids that they can watch TV as long as the get up and run in place or do jumping jacks at every single commercial. I had to do this along with my kids to get them moving, but after a few minutes we were all out of breath from laughing and exercising. We even took turns at being the instructor and coming up with the next moves.

4. Invest in toys.

Buy some new toys that will get the kids outside, or perhaps in a large playroom or basement if you have one.  Pogo sticks, giant balls to bounce on, jump ropes and mini trampolines are fun for most ages and even more fun with friends!

5. Don’t put away all the outside games and toys.

You’re bound to have some mild days, so keep the balls inflated and the bikes handy. Of course, once a good snow comes, sledding, snowball fights, shoveling and snowman building can burn quite a few calories and create some rosy cheeks for all!

6. Use the video games.

Ok, if they MUST be in the den with the TV on, I’d definitely opt for the Wii, Playstation Move or Kinect and let the kids have sports battles amongst themselves. I totally love Wii bowling on a cold winter day and I’ve participated in hysterical Just Dance competitions with my kids.

7. Speaking of dancing, put on some LOUD music and dance.

When my kids were younger, there was nothing like a good Disney CD to get us all up and partying. Now that they are older, we put on the iPod and jam to some great tunes.

It’s all in good fun and it’s great for kids to stay active. Encouraging exercise is one of the most important thing you can do for your family’s health.

We often refer to orange juice, lemon juice, or tomato products as ‘acidic’ but do you (or your child) really know what that means?  If there are acidic items in our kitchen what do we call those items that are NOT acidic?  The acidity of a liquid is measured on a scale of 0 to 14 and is called a solution’s pH.  Items with a low pH number are acidic and those with a high pH number are basic.  Items in the middle of the scale are called neutral.

What does the word pH mean?  pH is a measure of the activity of the hydrogen ions within a solution.  This can get a little complicated but if you want a detailed description of what pH really means you can check out Wikipedia.  Pure water is neutral, with a pH of 7.0.  Vinegar and lemon juice are acidic substances (low pH), while laundry detergents and ammonia are basic (high pH).

It is relatively easy to check the acidity of a solution by using a pH indicator that you can make in your own kitchen from red cabbage!  Red cabbage contains a pigment called flavin that turns different colors based on its pH.  This water-soluble pigment is also found in apple skin, plums, poppies, cornflowers, and grapes.  Very acidic solutions will turn the pigment red (or pink), neutral solutions result in a purplish color and basic solutions appear slightly greenish-yellow.

Once you have the cabbage juice indicator ready it is easy (and lots of fun) to determine which item’s in your kitchen are basic, neutral or acidic!

First, make the cabbage juice indicator:

1. Chop one head of red cabbage into small pieces until you have about 2 cups
2. Place the cabbage in a large glass bowl and add boiling water to cover the cabbage.
3. Allow at least ten minutes for the color to leach out of the cabbage.
4. Alternatively, you can place about 2 cups of cabbage in a blender, cover it with boiling water, and blend it.
5. Filter out the cabbage and you are left with a red-purple-bluish colored liquid. This liquid is at about pH 7 (neutral).

Now check the pH of common household liquids:

1. Add a small amount of cabbage juice indicator into a glass or test tube if you have them (check out Steve Spangler for supplies.  They also offer a premade red cabbage juice indicator if you don’t want to make your own.)
2. Add a small amount of various household liquids and note the color change that occurs.

Take it Further: 

To take this experiment one step further, teach your child the fun of graphing and make a chart of your solutions and their pH.  You can also test to see how much water you need to add BACK to your experiment to neutralize the pH back to pH 7.  Is it possible?

*note:  take care when using household ingredients in science experiments.  If you are using orange juice and milk you are pretty safe but if you choose to use household cleaners like ammonia or other strong solutions please invest in the proper eye protection.  Also, do not mix assorted household products together for this experiment.

Gifted.

With all the consumerism and festive frenzy, it’s easy for kids’ toy chests to overflow after all the presents are opened. This year, before your family opens a single gift, have everyone go through their belongings and select two or three gently used items (toys, books, clothing) that they have grown out of or no longer use. Gather these items and donate them to charity.

Kids will learn the importance of giving to those less fortunate while at the same time make space for new things so your home isn’t overflowing with excess stuff.

It’s a Family Affair. 

It’s easy to participate in various charitable drives individually but it really drives the message home when you work together as a family unit.  Consider volunteering as a family at a local soup kitchen or food bank. Working with a group will allow you to spend some quality time together and at the same time show children that you are committed to investing your time to worthwhile causes.

It’s all in the Neighborhood. 

If you’re feeling ambitious, consider making an even bigger impact for a local charity by doing a drive with your neighbors. Kids can go door-to-door dropping off flyers promoting the drive and you can get involved by hosting a holiday get-together at your home. Invite neighbors over for an afternoon of festive cheer where the price of entrance is an unwrapped new toy or a non-perishable food item. The kids can be responsible for collecting and sorting the items as people arrive. You’ll not only be able to make a bigger donation to a local non-profit organization but you will also have the opportunity to get to know your neighbors a little better.

Giving back to the community as a family will create a lifelong commitment to charity for your children while increasing the quality time you spend together during the hectic holiday season.  And, the charities won’t be the only ones reaping the rewards – you’ll create memories that will last a lifetime.

First Book, a non-profit committed to ending this disparity, developed a list of “10 Books Every Child Should Own” to draw attention to the critical need for new books for kids in need. First Book invited people of all ages to vote online for the title they would like to see be the 100 millionth book provided to schools and other programs serving low-income communities – from “Green Eggs and Ham” to “Where the Wild Things Are.”

On Thursday, Nov. 15, the book receiving the most votes will be announced as First Book’s 100 millionth book.  Click here to find out which title won!  While 100 million books is a great accomplishment, there is much more work ahead.

For children to flourish as productive adults in a literate world, they need ongoing access to a rich array of quality books, educational resources and experiences. Millions of American children are still waiting for that chance.

‘Photo by McGrath Photo’

About First Book
First Book is a unique organization that provides access to new, high-quality books and other educational resources at low or no-cost to schools and programs serving children in need. Over the last 20 years, the organization has provided an innovative and sustainable solution for filling the resource gap and transforming learning environments for kids in need. First Book has provided almost 100 million books for kids from birth through age 18 – from picture books to college prep. The organization has reached more than 40,000 schools, libraries, day cares, shelters and other programs. Unfortunately, this is less than 2% of the eligible schools and programs that serve millions of children, children who don’t have books at home, at their schools or in their community.  You can help by giving the gift of reading this holiday season.  A $25 donation means 10 books to a child in need.  Learn more here.

This is more than not having a bedtime story.  (Although, can you imagine your childhood without your favorite book?)  This is about a basic tool to help kids learn, and to bridge an enormous divide between information haves and have nots – which impacts millions of kids right here in the U.S.  Books are the key to unlocking kids’ futures, to support learning, understanding and to prepare kids for jobs and life.

If you know a teacher or other professional who works with kids in need, please let them know about the opportunity to register with First Book to choose new books for free or at dramatically reduced costs. Encourage them to sign up by visiting www.firstbook.org and be sure follow First Book on Twitter and Facebook. 

SocialMoms is also helping celebrate with a prize of our own! Five lucky moms chosen randomly by SocialMoms will be able to donate a package of the top 10 classic books every child should own to a school or program serving low income children through First Book. SocialMoms will also give away a $100 Visa gift card to one random winner. What was your favorite book from childhood?  Just leave a comment below to enter for a chance to win.  (Official rules)

Organize and Be Consistent

This goes without saying but a little organization and planning can really go a long way.  If you commit to doing the same thing every week, it will become habitual and a lot easier to stick with.  Spend Sunday planning out the family’s lunches and wardrobe selections. Picking out five outfits means not having to spend those hurried morning minutes looking for a missing sick or shirt. Parents who work outside of the home might find it useful to plan their own outfits for the week as well.

Share the Load

When it comes to making a household run smoothly, there are always things that need to get done.  It is important that everyone be assigned age-appropriate chores so that everyone has a role. It not only makes it easier to get things done but is a valuable example of the importance of teamwork.

Make Midweek Meals Simple

We all want to make healthy and tasty meals for our families but if we get a little too overambitious during the week, we may end up calling for take-out in a time crunch.  Be realistic with the amount of time you have to cook and how long it takes to make a meal.  Prepare as much as you can on Sunday nights so that veggies for a stir fry are already cut and the ingredients for pizza dough are already measured.  If you need inspiration, there are many cookbooks and online recipes that can be made in thirty minutes or less.

Prepare the Teacher

If there is something going on at home, it really is important to let your child’s teacher know at the beginning of the year so that they will understand his/her behavior.  Whether they are going through some sort of health or emotional turmoil or a major change is happening (birth or divorce, for example), it is likely that some of this will show up in the classroom.

Talk to Your Kids

Whenever possible, whether it’s at dinner or some other point in the day, make it a priority to ask your kids how the school year is starting for them.  This way, if there are any problems, they can be addressed before they have time to develop into a more serious issue.  Whether it’s bullying, not feeling like a class is the right learning level, or even just lacking supplies, your child will know they have your support and you can come up with a plan for dealing with the obstacle.

Limit Extracurricular Activities

This is a tough one for a lot of families.  Kids (and parents) will often hear about activities or classes they’d like to take but the time requirement can make scheduling really difficult.  If that’s the case, try to limit the number of extracurricular activities to make it more manageable for the family.  Also, connecting with other parents for carpooling can make getting your kids to and from lessons a lot easier.

Quiet Time

We all are guilty of it.  We check our email, texts and Facebook constantly throughout the day and, in the evening, we may even be glued to our phones while we are simultaneously watching television.  This continuous stimulation can make shifting gears at bedtime more difficult.  Why not try unplugging for 30 minutes before bed?  Sure, ignoring a cell phone might be difficult, but try starting with limiting television usage during that last half hour of your day. You may find that you and your family enjoy that time so much that the cell phone could be replaced with a book!

Rest and Have Fun

Life is so busy these days that we tend to neglect our own health.  When schedules get busy, the first thing we tend to sacrifice is sleep which is never a good thing.  Try to make sure everyone is getting the rest that they need since we all function better when we’ve had enough sleep.  When all else fails, though, have fun and enjoy life.  When things get tough, laughter can go a long way.

What other ways do you deal with back to school stress?